Google mon amour

"I've searched your face, your limbs, your lips, even the tone of your voice; searched for some memory that must be buried in my past," Cato whispered. "It seems I've known you for years. Everyone says you were beautiful when you were young, but I want to tell you, I think you are more beautiful now than then." He flicked his tail across Google's face, just the hint of a caress.

As his campaign manager, I rolled my eyes. "Why, why, why do I always have to witness these bull fests?" Wasn't it enough to know that he had no intention of following up his hot little endearments with anything, anything at all physical? The light rubbing of the ankle. The bumping of the forehead. The slight fishy smell of his breath as he tucked his chin under his listener's own. "Oh, God," I thought to myself. Why me?"

But I stopped mid-thought, there was something about Google's posture that told me that it was sucking up what Cato was saying.

Cato continued: "Rather than the face of a young company, I prefer your face as it is now..."

I waited for the shock of the word "ravaged." How would he say it? Would he whisper it as he daintily brought his whiskers closer to Google's face?

Instead, like the clever politician that he is, he edited the Duras text and left it out.

I couldn't believe that Google didn't recognize the quote, but like most techies, he fell for a literary line.

Google gave him the invitation to sit in its lap. Good God, this was going better than both of us had expected.

Cato leapt into the powerhouse company's lap. He ogled Google. "Oh, it was exquisite wasn't it. Very titanish......" I couldn't keep him from washing his paws and ears. He actually whispered  "My Cronus," in that big galoot's ear. Followed it with the slight lick from the tip of his tongue. Google blushed.

I was transfixed waiting for his next line. A line we had rehearsed with different inflections; different paw and claw motions; a line we had squeezed to the limit.

Laying himself across Google, as he had done with Donald Trump, he whispered: "Buy me," both of them gasped. I turned away to smile. Now we were getting somewhere.

"What the..," Google said, threatening to unseat him.

Cato dug his claws in and held on mightily. He said: "I need you and you need me. It's just that simple. As president, I can help you get legislation that's important to your business and you can help me out with a direct contribution to my campaign fund.

Google deftly removed Cato's claws from its thighs.

"Network neutrality," Google asked. "You'd support it?"

"As you grow larger, you need someone in your corner to watch out for you, who better than me? Why invest in a Republican or a Democrat? You're Google, you do things differently. I'm different, we need each other.

Besides, I actually understand the industry unlike my competitors. I know its venal side, I recognize that you are predators at heart. I know you have a cynical sense of humor, right?"

"Do no evil," Google said as it rearranged it's lap giving Cato a bigger spot to curl up on.

"I see everything, everything, all the things we could do together," Cato resumed whispering.

"You saw nothing in Google, nothing," it said as it pulled a large wad of cash from its back pocket.

"I saw everything, everything."

I left them alone, together.

Apologies to Marguerite Duras, Hiroshima Mon Amour, 1959.

Comments

[Aloysius]

Hats off to you for a fine literary travesty. Have you thought about submitting it to the next Carnival of Satire?

See: http://www.markarayner.com/
blog/subjects/carnival-of-satire/

[jreece]

this little expose'is slashing delight, way to go!