1. Do not take advice from Karl Rove as his lap dancing technique has proved to leave a scorched bottom.
2. Avoid lap dancing for Jim Webb (D-Virginia). He wears combat boots during his regular turns on the champaign court and has been known to stomp exotic dancers for conduct unbecoming a soldier.
3. If you must lap dance for money never fall in love with an evangelical minister.
4. Take a hint from President George Bush and keep lap dancing despite the fact that you may have moved into exotic dancing territory that is unfamiliar and causes discomfort.
5. Endurance is the key to good lap dancing.
6. Don't scoff at $2 bill.
7. Farmers make the best lap dancing clients as they usually have innate animal instincts and know it is better to cuddle up to something warm in the dead of winter.
8. Don't attempt lapping with a kleptomaniac who's hair doesn't move naturally and in the end asks you for a tip.
9. Don't for get that the key piece of equipment in fighting dirt and stains-- the result of some lap dances -- Show Sheen.
10. Remember attention to costume detail can make or break the lap dancing mood you are trying to create (at least in the beginning).
11. Remember lap dancing is a sensual exchange between two beings. It can involve a lot of contact or a little. What it is not is business exchange, so please look like you are enjoying yourself.
12. The Stain Buddy can make all stains disappear right before your eyes.
13. As a feline you are the master of the lap dance!
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Cato, you're much too clever to be involved in politics--and I mean that in a good way.
Purrs!
Posted by: Aloysius | November 29, 2006 at 08:11 AM