Up to now the Chemical Brothers have been reluctant to remix the Rolling Stone's 1968 hit single, Sympathy for the Devil. "But I think that the time has come for them to give us a hearty, bouncy, razor-edged blast that we can dance to given George Bush's recent plan for Iraq," said Cato speaking to reporters on his campaign bus. Cato then launched into the merits of Star Guitar, one of the Chemical Brother's older tunes. "It gets me "up" for my fund raising speeches and reminds me of my last trip from Mumbai to Ganeshpuri. The roads were so bad that the transmission dropped out of the taxi!" Reporters quickly asked if this was a metaphor for George Bush's failure in Iraq.
"No, I think a better metaphor would be this: You're out on a pleasant Sunday afternoon trip to the wine country -- let's say Dry Creek. And you're standing in a tasting room with a glass of deep purple zin in your hand. Let's say the nose on the wine is spicy, with hints of pepper both black and green and you begin to salivate because you think the taste will be heaven on your tongue. So you take a drink and the swill is so raw that it takes your face off; your teeth rot and the next generation you sire are mental defects. I'd say that is a better metaphor for Bush's policy in Iraq."
"It seems that the American people did not get the point across to George Bush in the last election. I thought it was pretty clear that the public is not ready to mortgage their future and their children's future to a group that has no clue they have moved into the 21st Century. Just think what Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump could do if they took their brawling to the world stage and took on George together. They could bitch-slap George to the mat and then maybe he'd get the point that the American people are done with Iraq."
When questioned by reporters about his upcoming trip to Latin America to meet with Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, Cato said: "He is an outspoken leader on world politics. How could anyone quarrel with a man who calls a spade a spade on the world stage? His words aren't measured and he spouts off with the drop of a hat. I admire his lack of restraint. I also admire his fashion sense."
"Still, you misunderstand what it is I am doing in visiting these loose cannons of the world stage. I am working on my dissertation for a Ph.D. in psychology. I believe the next step for the United States is not in environmentally sound technology, but in providing a therapeutic environment for wayward dictators," he said. "Actually, I believe there are whole societies and groups that could benefit from rehab, and the United States can provide the environment for this recovery process."
"But first," he said with a smile, "the American people must recover from their serious delusions. They can do that by electing me for president of the United States in 2008."
Cato, I think we may have found a campaign theme song for you: "When Cats Take Over the World". It's a bit imperialistic, but recent trends show that imperialists tend to get mindlessly elected (or appointed) to the presidency. To review the song, go to http://youtube.com/watch?v=b72rZrbOhN4
Posted by: Rocky | February 05, 2007 at 09:21 AM