I know that most of you are eager to know what it is that I've gotten you for Christmas. As you know, my candidacy has kept me very busy, so busy, in fact, I have had very little time to sit down in the lab to create something special for the holidays......but I have come up with a little app that should make your lives easier.
It occurred to me on one of my long campaign treks that there wasn't much ground to sink my claws into. So much of the United States is paved that I was unable to find the proper material to perform my "business."
So I created a portable cat box just big enough to stick in my jacket pocket.
I call it the iThrone.
You can take it out anywhere. Press the button -- it's ready to go when you are. AND because the iThone is so cool, most folks never really notice that you are taking a dump while talking to them on the phone.
The best thing? You can customize the program for things like dirt type and aroma (so you can dial up potting soil with a fishy smell), and set texture from gritty to fluffy.
It also automatically buries your business every three minutes so you never have to get your paws dirty. Or if you prefer, you can give the iThrone a good shake and clean up your mess instantly!
It combines four products in one — a revolutionary phone, a widescreen iPod, a breakthrough Internet device, and a portapotty -- the ultimate in convenience.
For those that are worried about sanitation, the iThrone uses the latest in bacteria-busting nanotechnology by depositing silver particles averaging about
10 nanometers - less than a thousandth the diameter of a human hair -
on the seat. Silver is an ancient infection fighter and in this age of antibiotic resistant bacteria, silver is still effective.
Options include iBird (particularly appropriate for outdoor kitties). If used while sitting on your iThrone, you can easily identify birds while preprogrammed birdcalls attract them to your waiting claws. In addition, each bird is rated in terms of succulence, sweetness and amount of protein availability. This feature will allow you to point, click and eat!
I can also engrave it to make it a special gift. I gave one to my campaign manager that said: "Don't just sit there, feed me!"
I sent another to George W inscribed with this quote: "I've abandoned free market principles to save
the free market system." I got a nice card back from him thanking me for my thoughtfulness.
Cato......solving life's dilemma's one app at a time. Merry Christmas....Sent from my iThrone!
